Lightning in a Jar
[Note to reader: The following came to me as a PowerPoint slideshow attachment If you could fit the entire population of the world into a village consisting of 100 people, maintaining the proportions of all the people living on Earth, that village would consist of:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 Americans (North, Central and South)
8 Africans
There would be
52 women
48 men
30 Caucasians
70 non-Caucasians
30 Christians
70 non-Christians
89 heterosexuals
11 homosexuals
Six people would possess 59% of the wealth, and they would all come from the USA.
80 would live in poverty
70 would be illiterate
50 would suffer from hunger and malnutrition
1 would be dying
1 would be being born
1 would own a computer
1 would have a university degree
If we looked at the world this way, the need for acceptance and understanding would be obvious. But consider again the following:
If you woke up this morning in good health, you have more luck than one million people, who won't live through the week.
If you have never experienced the horror of war, the solitude of prison, the pain of torture, or were not close to death from starvation, then you are better off than 500 million people.
If you can go to your place of worship without fear that someone will assault or kill you, then you are luckier than 3 billion people.
If you have a full fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and a place to sleep, you are wealthier than 75% of the world's population.
If you currently have money in the bank, in your wallet, and a few coins in your purse, you are one of 8 of the privileged few amongst the 100 people in the world.
If your parents are still alive and still married, you are a rare individual.
If someone sent you this message, you're extremely lucky, because someone is thinking of you, and because you don't comprise one of those 2 billion people who cannot read.
And so?
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like nobody has ever hurt you.
Dance like nobody is watching.
Sing like nobody is listening.
Live as if this was paradise on Earth.
Send this message to your friends.
Bypass those who are determined to see the worst in the world, no matter what.
If you don't send it, nothing will happen.
If you do send it, someone might smile while they are reading it, and that will be a positive.
Apart from that, simply have a nice day.
I JUST CALL IT HOME
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
JUST A THOUGHT
To us all, comes, at times, the great note of questioning despair that darkens our horizon and paralyzes our effort: "If there really be a God, if eternal justice really rule the world," we say, "why should life be as it is? Why do some men starve while others feast; why does virtue often languish in the shadow while vice triumphs in the sunshine; why does failure so often dog the footsteps of honest effort, while the success that comes from trickery and dishonor is greeted with the world's applause? How is it that the loving father of one family is taken by death, while the worthless incumbrance of another is spared? Why is there so much unnecessary pain, sorrowing and suffering in the world--why, indeed, should there be any?"
Neither philosophy nor religion can give any final satisfactory answer that is capable of logical demonstration, of absolute proof. There is ever, even after the best explanations, a residuum of the unexplained. We must then fall back in the eternal arms of faith, and be wise enough to say, "I will not be disconcerted by these problems of life, I will not permit them to plunge me into doubt, and to cloud my life with vagueness and uncertainty. Man arrogates much to himself when he demands from the Infinite the full solution of all His mysteries. I will found my life on the impregnable rock of a simple fundamental truth:--'This glorious creation with its millions of wondrous phenomena pulsing ever in harmony with eternal law must have a Creator, that Creator must be omniscient and omnipotent. But that Creator Himself cannot, in justice, demand of any creature more than the best that that individual can give.' I will do each day, in every moment, the best I can by the light I have; I will ever seek more light, more perfect illumination of truth, and ever live as best I can in harmony with the truth as I see it. If failure come I will meet it bravely; if my pathway then lie in the shadow of trial, sorrow and suffering, I shall have the restful peace and the calm strength of one who has done his best, who can look back upon the past with no pang of regret, and who has heroic courage in facing the results, whatever they be, knowing that he could not make them different."
Neither philosophy nor religion can give any final satisfactory answer that is capable of logical demonstration, of absolute proof. There is ever, even after the best explanations, a residuum of the unexplained. We must then fall back in the eternal arms of faith, and be wise enough to say, "I will not be disconcerted by these problems of life, I will not permit them to plunge me into doubt, and to cloud my life with vagueness and uncertainty. Man arrogates much to himself when he demands from the Infinite the full solution of all His mysteries. I will found my life on the impregnable rock of a simple fundamental truth:--'This glorious creation with its millions of wondrous phenomena pulsing ever in harmony with eternal law must have a Creator, that Creator must be omniscient and omnipotent. But that Creator Himself cannot, in justice, demand of any creature more than the best that that individual can give.' I will do each day, in every moment, the best I can by the light I have; I will ever seek more light, more perfect illumination of truth, and ever live as best I can in harmony with the truth as I see it. If failure come I will meet it bravely; if my pathway then lie in the shadow of trial, sorrow and suffering, I shall have the restful peace and the calm strength of one who has done his best, who can look back upon the past with no pang of regret, and who has heroic courage in facing the results, whatever they be, knowing that he could not make them different."
Monday, March 26, 2012
Common Sense
There's a blogg called common cents to me money is just a tool to make life better for all gods creatures.Now you give me common sense an you can fill your pockets with all of that what you call common cents!Every thing that cents can buy has an economic life,but common sense is priceless an timeless
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
William George Jordan (3/6/1864 to 4/20/1928)
Neither philosophy nor religion can give any final satisfactory answer that is capable of logical demonstration, of absolute proof. There is ever, even after the best explanations, a residuum of the unexplained. We must then fall back in the eternal arms of faith, and be wise enough to say, "I will not be disconcerted by these problems of life, I will not permit them to plunge me into doubt, and to cloud my life with vagueness and uncertainty. Man arrogates much to himself when he demands from the Infinite the full solution of all His mysteries. I will found my life on the impregnable rock of a simple fundamental truth:--'This glorious creation with its millions of wondrous phenomena pulsing ever in harmony with eternal law must have a Creator, that Creator must be omniscient and omnipotent. But that Creator Himself cannot, in justice, demand of any creature more than the best that that individual can give.' I will do each day, in every moment, the best I can by the light I have; I will ever seek more light, more perfect illumination of truth, and ever live as best I can in harmony with the truth as I see it. If failure come I will meet it bravely; if my pathway then lie in the shadow of trial, sorrow and suffering, I shall have the restful peace and the calm strength of one who has done his best, who can look back upon the past with no pang of regret, and who has heroic courage in facing the results, whatever they be, knowing that he could not make them different."
Friday, March 23, 2012
Personal Influence
The Power of Personal Influence
Author: William George Jordan
The only responsibility that a man cannot evade in this life is the one he thinks of least,--his personal influence. Man's conscious influence, when he is on dress-parade, when he is posing to impress those around him,--is woefully small. But his unconscious influence, the silent, subtle radiation of his personality, the effect of his words and acts, the trifles he never considers,--is tremendous. Every moment of life he is changing to a degree the life of the whole world. Every man has an atmosphere which is affecting every other. So silent and unconsciously is this influence working, that man may forget that it exists.
Author: William George Jordan
The only responsibility that a man cannot evade in this life is the one he thinks of least,--his personal influence. Man's conscious influence, when he is on dress-parade, when he is posing to impress those around him,--is woefully small. But his unconscious influence, the silent, subtle radiation of his personality, the effect of his words and acts, the trifles he never considers,--is tremendous. Every moment of life he is changing to a degree the life of the whole world. Every man has an atmosphere which is affecting every other. So silent and unconsciously is this influence working, that man may forget that it exists.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Self-Reliance
Title: The Dignity Of Self-Reliance
Author: William George Jordan Self-confidence, without self-reliance, is as useless as a cooking recipe,--without food. Self-confidence sees the possibilities of the individual; self-reliance realizes them. Self-confidence sees the angel in the unhewn block of marble; self-reliance carves it out for himself.
The man who is self-reliant says ever: "No one can realize my possibilities for me, but me; no one can make me good or evil but myself." He works out his own salvation,--financially, socially, mentally, physically, and morally. Life is an individual problem that man must solve for himself. Nature accepts no vicarious sacrifice, no vicarious service. Nature never recognizes a proxy vote. She has nothing to do with middle-men,--she deals only with the individual. Nature is constantly seeking to show man that he is his own best friend, or his own worst enemy. Nature gives man the option on which he will be to himself.
Author: William George Jordan Self-confidence, without self-reliance, is as useless as a cooking recipe,--without food. Self-confidence sees the possibilities of the individual; self-reliance realizes them. Self-confidence sees the angel in the unhewn block of marble; self-reliance carves it out for himself.
The man who is self-reliant says ever: "No one can realize my possibilities for me, but me; no one can make me good or evil but myself." He works out his own salvation,--financially, socially, mentally, physically, and morally. Life is an individual problem that man must solve for himself. Nature accepts no vicarious sacrifice, no vicarious service. Nature never recognizes a proxy vote. She has nothing to do with middle-men,--she deals only with the individual. Nature is constantly seeking to show man that he is his own best friend, or his own worst enemy. Nature gives man the option on which he will be to himself.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Most Dangerous Man in America
Grover Norquist has never held elected office. He's not a political appointee or a congressional staffer, and few voters know his name. Yet this anti-tax lobbyist wields immense power over the Republican Party, enforcing a hard-line position that compels the GOP to protect tax breaks for the rich and billions in federal subsidies for America's wealthiest corporations. "It all comes from a single guy.It's hard to believe but true!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Spread the Stupidity
Only in This Stupid World
......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the
Store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in This Stupid World
.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in This Stupid World
.....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters..
Only in This Stupid World
......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put
Our useless junk in the garage.
Only in This Stupid World ...........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
Packages of eight..
Only in This Stupid World .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER
...
Why the sun lightens
Our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why don't you ever see the
Headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is
'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that
Doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made
With artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who
Invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of
Day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there
Mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah
Swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the
Needle for lethal injections?
You know that
Indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep
Shrink when it rains?
Why are they called
Apartments when they are all stuck together?
I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of
Pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so
Safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the
Store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in This Stupid World
.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in This Stupid World
.....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters..
Only in This Stupid World
......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put
Our useless junk in the garage.
Only in This Stupid World ...........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
Packages of eight..
Only in This Stupid World .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER
...
Why the sun lightens
Our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why don't you ever see the
Headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is
'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that
Doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made
With artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who
Invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of
Day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there
Mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah
Swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the
Needle for lethal injections?
You know that
Indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep
Shrink when it rains?
Why are they called
Apartments when they are all stuck together?
I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of
Pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so
Safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Boudreau was driving down Canal street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of ma life and give up ma White Lightnin'!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Boudreau looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
Father Murphy walks into a bar on Bourbon Street, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to Thibodaux and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
Thibodaux said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'
Thibodaux said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a bunch together to go right now.'
Boudreaux was in New Orleans .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Boudreaux still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Boudreaux went over to him and said, 'Ain't it 'bout time ya let the Catholics across?'
Boudreaux opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Landry.
'Did you see the paper?' asked Boudreaux. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Landry. 'Where ya callin' from?'
A Parish priest is driving down to New Orleans from Alexandria and gets stopped for speeding . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
Walking into the bar, Boudreaux said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little wife.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Boudreaux replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! ? What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little coward.'
Devereau staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Landry. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Betty Lou.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Devereaux sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Devereaux woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Betty Lou staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Devereau said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Betty Lou said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly .... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Boudreau looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
Father Murphy walks into a bar on Bourbon Street, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to Thibodaux and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
Thibodaux said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'
Thibodaux said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a bunch together to go right now.'
Boudreaux was in New Orleans .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Boudreaux still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Boudreaux went over to him and said, 'Ain't it 'bout time ya let the Catholics across?'
Boudreaux opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Landry.
'Did you see the paper?' asked Boudreaux. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Landry. 'Where ya callin' from?'
A Parish priest is driving down to New Orleans from Alexandria and gets stopped for speeding . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
Walking into the bar, Boudreaux said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little wife.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Boudreaux replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! ? What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little coward.'
Devereau staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Landry. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Betty Lou.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Devereaux sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Devereaux woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Betty Lou staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Devereau said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Betty Lou said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly .... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
How Many of You See What I See
Our future fuel is as plentiful as water,the key to it is separating the two atoms an that's has been proven that you can .The key is high voltage an high frequency,very little energy consumed to produce it .we're talking instant hydrogen an you can put the oxygen back into the atmosphere.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Holy Humor
Lots of truth in this humor!
**A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my favorite)
=======
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
========
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play..
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
I love this one !!!
**A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my favorite)
=======
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
========
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play..
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
I love this one !!!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Will We Ever Learn (NOTE 1907)
THE HOUSE OF GOVERNORS
Copynoht, 1907, by William George Jordan [The atmosphere of political thought in the nation today is permeated with." restless rebellion of protest against the growing centralization at Washington. Rumblings of revolt in the public press are becoming louder and more unmistakable, and
political leaders are furbishing the dingy armor of States rights in preparation for battle .. The usurping by the government of the lawmaking
power of the States is declared to be a forsaking of the great principle of democracy, the rock upon which the fathers founded the Republic The Federal Government, following the spirit of the age, is itself becoming a trust—a great governing trust, crowding out, and threatening openly still further to crowd out, the States, … As the wealth of the nation is concentrating in the hands of the few, so is the guidance of the destinies of the American people becoming vested in the firm, tense fingers of a small legislative syndicate. The nation soon will be no longer a solid impregnable pyramid, standing on the broad, firm safe base of the united action of a united people, but a pyramid dangerously balanced on its apex—the uncertain wisdom of a few.
Copynoht, 1907, by William George Jordan [The atmosphere of political thought in the nation today is permeated with." restless rebellion of protest against the growing centralization at Washington. Rumblings of revolt in the public press are becoming louder and more unmistakable, and
political leaders are furbishing the dingy armor of States rights in preparation for battle .. The usurping by the government of the lawmaking
power of the States is declared to be a forsaking of the great principle of democracy, the rock upon which the fathers founded the Republic The Federal Government, following the spirit of the age, is itself becoming a trust—a great governing trust, crowding out, and threatening openly still further to crowd out, the States, … As the wealth of the nation is concentrating in the hands of the few, so is the guidance of the destinies of the American people becoming vested in the firm, tense fingers of a small legislative syndicate. The nation soon will be no longer a solid impregnable pyramid, standing on the broad, firm safe base of the united action of a united people, but a pyramid dangerously balanced on its apex—the uncertain wisdom of a few.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Stolen From Oldfool
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and
not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up
until your back gets used to it.
You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt.
-unkown- (How true)
not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up
until your back gets used to it.
You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt.
-unkown- (How true)
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Just A Thought
I shall pass this way but once. Therefore, any good that I can do or any kindness that I can show, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.
A Collection of LIttle Chuckles
I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'�
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?�
--------------------------------------------------------------
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. 'Young man, we're both 90 years old, ' the husband said ..'We may not have 45 minutes.' They were seated immediately.�
--------------------------------------------------------------�
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
-------------------------------------------------------------
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.�
------------------------------------------------------------�
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.�
-- -----------------------------------------------------------
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'
Artie said: ' I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.'�
Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'�
Glen A. would say: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'
--------------------------------------------------------------�
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks t he Lord... 'God, what does a million years mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.'�
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A penny.'�
'Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'�
'The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'�
-------------------------------------------------------------�
A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?'�
'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?'�
--------------------------------------------------------------�
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request, dear,'he said.�
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.�
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry George.'�
'But I thought you hated George,' she said.�
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'�
--------------------------------------
A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I�have to talk to you about it.'
The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'�
The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'�
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'�
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,�what should I do?'�
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'�
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to�her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?'�
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, 'Take the poison'
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?�
--------------------------------------------------------------
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. 'Young man, we're both 90 years old, ' the husband said ..'We may not have 45 minutes.' They were seated immediately.�
--------------------------------------------------------------�
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
-------------------------------------------------------------
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.�
------------------------------------------------------------�
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.�
-- -----------------------------------------------------------
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'
Artie said: ' I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.'�
Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'�
Glen A. would say: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'
--------------------------------------------------------------�
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks t he Lord... 'God, what does a million years mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.'�
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A penny.'�
'Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'�
'The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'�
-------------------------------------------------------------�
A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?'�
'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?'�
--------------------------------------------------------------�
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request, dear,'he said.�
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.�
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry George.'�
'But I thought you hated George,' she said.�
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'�
--------------------------------------
A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I�have to talk to you about it.'
The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'�
The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'�
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'�
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,�what should I do?'�
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'�
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to�her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?'�
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, 'Take the poison'
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Happiness
Happiness is the greatest paradox in Nature. It can grow in any soil, live under any conditions. It defies
environment. It comes from within; it is the revelation of the depths of the inner life as light and heat proclaim
the sun from which they radiate. Happiness consists not of having, but of being; not of possessing, but of
enjoying. It is the warm glow of a heart at peace with itself. A martyr at the stake may have happiness that a
king on his throne might envy. Man is the creator of his own happiness; it is the aroma of a life lived in
harmony with high ideals. For what a man has, he may be dependent on others; what he is, rests with him
alone. What he obtains in life is but acquisition; what he attains, is growth. Happiness is the soul's joy in the
possession of the intangible. Absolute, perfect, continuous happiness in life, is impossible for the human. It
would mean the consummation of attainments, the individual consciousness of a perfectly fulfilled destiny.
Happiness is paradoxic because it may coexist with trial, sorrow and poverty. It is the gladness of the
heart,--rising superior to all conditions.
environment. It comes from within; it is the revelation of the depths of the inner life as light and heat proclaim
the sun from which they radiate. Happiness consists not of having, but of being; not of possessing, but of
enjoying. It is the warm glow of a heart at peace with itself. A martyr at the stake may have happiness that a
king on his throne might envy. Man is the creator of his own happiness; it is the aroma of a life lived in
harmony with high ideals. For what a man has, he may be dependent on others; what he is, rests with him
alone. What he obtains in life is but acquisition; what he attains, is growth. Happiness is the soul's joy in the
possession of the intangible. Absolute, perfect, continuous happiness in life, is impossible for the human. It
would mean the consummation of attainments, the individual consciousness of a perfectly fulfilled destiny.
Happiness is paradoxic because it may coexist with trial, sorrow and poverty. It is the gladness of the
heart,--rising superior to all conditions.
Just A Thought
All the religions of the world are but speculations in morals, mere theories of salvation, until the individual
realize that he must save himself by relying on the law of truth, as he sees it, and living his life in harmony
with it, as fully as he can. But religion is not a Pullman car, with soft-cushioned seats, where he has but to pay
for his ticket,--and some one else does all the rest. In religion, as in all other great things, he is ever thrown
back on his self-reliance. He should accept all helps, but,--he must live his own life. He should not feel that he
is a mere passenger; he is the engineer, and the train is his life. We must rely on ourselves, live our own lives,
or we merely drift through existence,--losing all that is best, all that is greatest, all that is divine.
realize that he must save himself by relying on the law of truth, as he sees it, and living his life in harmony
with it, as fully as he can. But religion is not a Pullman car, with soft-cushioned seats, where he has but to pay
for his ticket,--and some one else does all the rest. In religion, as in all other great things, he is ever thrown
back on his self-reliance. He should accept all helps, but,--he must live his own life. He should not feel that he
is a mere passenger; he is the engineer, and the train is his life. We must rely on ourselves, live our own lives,
or we merely drift through existence,--losing all that is best, all that is greatest, all that is divine.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
A wise and truthful statement
A Cherokee elder sitting with his grandchildren told them, "In every life there is a terrible fight - a fight between two wolves. One is evil: he is fear, anger, envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, and deceit.
The other is good: joy, serenity, humility, confidence, generosity, truth, gentleness, and compassion." A child asked, "Grandfather, which wolf will win?" The elder looked him in the eye. "The one you feed."
The other is good: joy, serenity, humility, confidence, generosity, truth, gentleness, and compassion." A child asked, "Grandfather, which wolf will win?" The elder looked him in the eye. "The one you feed."
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Story with Happy Ending
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger
stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying,
"Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,
"No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,
"Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered
his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing
immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said; "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but...but I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for all of us here: *Don't be arrogant.
*Don't waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control.
*And finally, don't screw around with old folks; they didn't
get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger
stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying,
"Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,
"No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,
"Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered
his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing
immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said; "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but...but I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for all of us here: *Don't be arrogant.
*Don't waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control.
*And finally, don't screw around with old folks; they didn't
get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
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