Friday, April 27, 2012

PUT ME IN CHARGE

This was written by a 21 yr old female who gets it. It's her future


she's worried about and this is how she feels about the social welfare big

government state that she's being forced to live in! These solutions are

just common sense in her opinion.



This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX , Nov 18, 2011



PUT ME IN CHARGE . . .



Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash

for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans,

blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want

steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.



Put me in charge of Medicaid. . Then, we'll test

recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. If you want to reproduce or use

drugs, alcohol, or smoke, then get a job.



Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks?



You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair.

Your home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be

inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your

own place.



In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week

or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways

of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We

will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo

and speakers and put that money toward the "common good.."



Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of

the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you

say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider

that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing

absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.



If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at

least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system

rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.



AND While you are on Gov't subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes,

that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will

voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov't

welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job.

A little humor

A truly Happy Person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.


And, one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries...

Some fascinating things on old tombstones!



#############



Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:



Born 1903--Died 1942.

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the

car was on the way down. It was.



=============================



In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:



Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up

and no place to go.



=============================



On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in

East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:



Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.

Only the good die young.



=============================



In a London , England cemetery:



Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid

but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767



=============================



In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:



Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent them manna.

Clark Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.



===============================



In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:



Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon him for not rising.



===============================



In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:



Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,

Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.



==============================



In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:



Here lays The Kid,

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw.



================================



A lawyer's epitaph in England :



Sir John Strange.

Here lies an honest lawyer,

and that is Strange.



=================================



John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,

England, cemetery:



Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,

Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.



==================================



In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England :



On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.



==================================



Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,

Vermont :



Here lies the body of our Anna,

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,

But the skin of the thing that made her go.



==================================



On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket,

Massachusetts :



Under the sod and under the trees,

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there's only the pod,

Pease shelled out and went to God.



==================================



In a cemetery in England:



Remember man, as you walk by,

As you are now, so once was I.

As I am now, so shall you be,

Remember this and follow me.



To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:



To follow you I'll not consent,

Until I know which way you went

Monday, April 23, 2012

Brain Study

:Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind:



F1gur471v3ly 5p34k1ng?

7H15 M3554G3

53RV35 7O PR0V3

H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N

D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!

1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!

1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG

17 WA5 H4RD BU7

N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3

Y0UR M1ND 1S

R34D1NG 17

4U70M471C4LLY

W17H 0U7 3V3N

7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,

B3 PROUD! 0NLY

C3R741N P30PL3 C4N

R3AD 7H15.

PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F

U C4N R34D 7H15.

Either this is easy or I am not as bad off as I thought I was.......................

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

You Gotta Luv Granny!!

Now, how about a joke about grandma & grandpa??
Grandma and grandpa were watching a religious healing
program on TV.
The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed, to put
one hand on the TV and the other on the body part they wanted
healed.

Grandpa hobbled to the TV and put one hand on the TV and the
other on his crotch.

Grandma looked at him with disgust.... "You just don't understand

do you, you old coot.. The purpose of this program is to heal

the sick, not raise the dead!!"

Monday, April 16, 2012

Hot and Cold Sex...

After an examination, the
doctor said to his elder patient: 'You appear to be in good
health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me
about?' 'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."







When the doctor examined his wife a short time later he said, 'Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?' The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband mentioned an unusual problem. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea about why?'




















"Oh, that crazy

old coot'' she replied. "That's because the

first time is usually in January, and the

second time is in August."

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Good for a small giggle.................. (But too small)

Cancel your credit cards before you die

This sounds like as good advice as don’t rent a casket when you die. It's not just the government... Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank: Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January." Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "Maybe you should turn it over to collections." Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member: "So what will they do when they find out she is dead?" Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" Citibank: "Excuse me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?" Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January." Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?" Citibank: "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax:

Citibank: "Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care." Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?" Citibank: "That might help."

Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69." Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

Monday, April 9, 2012

GOOD QUOTE

i can do anything through HIM who gives me strength!!

Friday, April 6, 2012

WEIRD BUT INTERESTING

If you can raed this you have a sgtrane mnid too

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Your English lesson for today

I'm sure you will enjoy this. I never knew a single word in the English language could be a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and preposition.

UP

Read until the end ... you'll laugh...

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].


It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!

Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?

U

P!

Did that one crack you UP?

Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book . . . or not . . . it's UP to you.

Now I'll shut UP!