Tuesday, May 29, 2012

God Bless

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work"and how much of it was "pleasure?"A Major chimed in with75%-25% in favor of work. A Captain said it was 50%-50%.A lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure,depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded,"Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.

The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

The room fell silent.

God Bless the enlisted man.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Quiet Time

We're not getting older, just getting closer to home!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Little Humor

Top Secret Naval Intelligence

 Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound, and never

 left the house for 5 years.

It is now believed that he may have called the US Navy Seals himself.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's

face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, Why, Why

Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?


Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?


Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my

FAVORITE.........

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

You Tell on Yourself

You tell on yourself by the friends you seek,

By the very manner in which you speak,

By the way you employ your leisure time,

By the. use you make of dollar and dime.

You tell on yourself by the things you wear,

By the spirit in which your burdens you bear,

By the type of things at which you laugh,

By the records you play on your phonograph.

You tell what you are by the way you walk,

By the things of which you delight to talk,

By the manner in whith you can bear defeat,

By so simple a thing as how you eat.

By the books you choose from the ‘library shelf, By these things and more, you tell on yourself.

—Author Unknown

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Every moment counts

With your actions, prompted and guided by your thoughts, you
are always creating something. On this day, in this moment,

the life you are living makes a real difference in one way

or another.It is an awesome power, and yet it can be difficult to

comprehend because it is usually so spread out over time.

The little, seemingly meaningless things you do from moment

to moment combine together to create the life you live.
The most magnificent achievement you could imagine is, at

its heart, built upon the recognition that every moment

counts. To the degree that you acknowledge and act upon that

reality, success will come your way.

You are rich beyond all calculation, and yet that richness

cannot be hoarded or hidden away. To be experienced and

enjoyed, it must be lived out across the individual moments

in each passing day.Live as though you have nothing to hold you back and

everything to pull you forward. For in the richness of the moment, both conditions are true.

Every moment counts, especially this one. Make it count for something wonderful.



Ralph Marston
                                  I personally will add to this I believe the richness is in sense not cents! Money is just a tool.But I will say it's a good tool to have around.

Friday, May 11, 2012

HOTEL BILL

     

     An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant 70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel. When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast." The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate', so she Insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use." "But I didn't use them," she said. ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," the Manager said. "But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied. No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response. After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00." "That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied. "But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager. "Well, too bad I was here, and you could have."


                                          Don't mess with Senior Citizens !











Thursday, May 10, 2012

A BOTTLE OF WINE

A STORY ALL WOMEN WILL ADORE!


For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:


Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car    Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.


Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:





'Good trade...'

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

12-year old Jordan McCabe basketball prodigy and phenom on KOMO News Sea...

My Travels

My traveling is few an far between but when  my wife an I  travel .it is nice to travel an see the country . Back when I was working as a union electrician I had to travel the country to find work,as I found out when nature calls it's nice to have a good safe clean place to go.I found the best place was McDonalds Restaurants .When I do stop I do buy something even if it's just a cup of coffee.I was thinking the other night where are all the McDonalds in the Country so I pulled up a  map of every McDonald's in the country  an it brought a smile.I want to share with you                                                                                                            
                                                                                                                                                                        
 http://www.good.is/post/map-of-every-mcdonalds-in-the-country/                                                           

Sunday, May 6, 2012

THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS:

'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'

'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !

'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis , never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.

Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.

It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a..m.

And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

I was 21 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.'

When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had..

I never had a telephone in my room.

The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers

-- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM every morning. On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend :

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea.. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.

Ignition switches on the dashboard.

Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.

Real ice boxes.

Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.

Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.

Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.

1.. Blackjack chewing gum

2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water

3. Candy cigarettes

4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles

5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes

6 . Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

7. Party lines on the telephone

8 Newsreels before the movie

9. P.F. Flyers

10. Butch wax

11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate] )

12. Peashooters

13. Howdy Doody

14. 45 RPM records

15. S& H greenstamps

16. Hi-fi's

17. Metal ice trays with lever

18. Mimeograph paper

19. Blue flashbulb

20. Packards

21. Roller skate keys

22. Cork popguns

23. Drive-ins

24. Studebakers

25. Wash tub wringers



If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young

If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older

If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,

If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Mayo Clinic on Aspirin

Mayo Clinic on Aspirin - PASS IT ON


Dr. Virend Somers, is a Cardiologist from the Mayo Clinic,

who is lead author of the report in the July 29, 2008 issue of

the Journal of the American College of Cardiology.

Most heart attacks occur in the day, generally

between 6 A.M. and noon. Having one during the night, when

the heart should be most at rest, means

that something unusual happened. Somers and his colleagues

have been working for a decade to show that sleep apnea is

to blame.

1. If you take an aspirin or a baby aspirin once a day,

take it at night.

The reason: Aspirin has a 24-hour "half-life";

therefore, if most heart attacks happen in the

wee hours of the morning, the

Aspirin would be strongest in your system.



2. FYI,



Aspirin lasts a really long time in your medicine chest

for years, (when it gets old, it smells like vinegar).



Please read on.



Something that we can do to help ourselves - nice to know.

Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve instantly on the tongue.

They work much faster than the tablets.



Why keep Aspirin by your bedside? It's about Heart Attacks -



There are other symptoms of a heart attack, besides the

pain on the left arm. One must also be aware of an intense

pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating;

however, these symptoms may also occur less frequently.



Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack.



The majority of people (about 60%) who had

a heart attack during their sleep did not wake up.

However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from

your deep sleep.



If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth

and swallow them with a bit of water.



Afterwards:

- Call 911.

- Phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by.

- Say "heart attack!"

- Say that you have taken 2 Aspirins.

- Take a seat on a chair or sofa

near the front door, and wait for their arrival and



...DO NOT LIE DOWN!





A Cardiologist has stated that if each person after

receiving this e-mail, sends it to 10 people, probably one

life could be saved!



I have already shared this information. What about you?



Do forward this message. It may save lives!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Just A Thought

A good example right now is the Republican Party  putting party in front of country.Will we ever learn!America first .Who is best for this country forget party.Just a simple question ?