Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever. I I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. Now that food has replaced sex in my Life, I can't even get into my own pants.
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
This is a very special statement!!!!!!! I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
A completely brilliant question!!!!!!!
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.