I JUST CALL IT HOME
Monday, May 31, 2010
Lovers of the English
Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But then, that's probably true of many languages.)
There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,< /FONT> why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come< /I> UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP& nbsp;is special.
And this up is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.< FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=blue size=5> We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP < /B>, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun com es out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now ........my time is UP , so time to shut UP!
Oh....one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U P
Don't screw up. Send this on to everyone you look up in your address book.
Now I'll shut up
There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,< /FONT> why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come< /I> UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP& nbsp;is special.
And this up is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.< FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=blue size=5> We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP < /B>, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun com es out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now ........my time is UP , so time to shut UP!
Oh....one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U P
Don't screw up. Send this on to everyone you look up in your address book.
Now I'll shut up
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Aristotle
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Water Displacement #40 WD-40
Water Displacement #40. The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect Missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three Technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a 'water displac ement' compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.
>
> Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you...' IT IS MADE FROM FISH OIL' When you read the 'shower door' part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It is a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... It is now shinier than it has ever been before.
>
> 1) Protects silver from tarnishing.
> 2) Removes road tar and grime from cars.
> < STRONG>3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
> 4) Gives floors that `just-waxed` sheen without making it slippery.
> 5) Keeps flies off cows.
> 6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
> 7) Removes lipstick stains.
> 8) Loosens stubborn zi ppers.
> 9) Untangles jewelry chains.
> 10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
> 11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
> 12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pot s from oxidizing.
> 13) Removes tomato stains from clothing.
> 14) Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
> 15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
> 16) Keeps scissors working smoothly.
> 17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes
> 18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
> 19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car. Removed quickly, with WD-40!
> 20) Gives children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
> 21) Lubricates gear shift on lawn mowers.
> 22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
> 23) Lubricates tracks in sti ckin g home windows and makes them easier to open.
> 24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
> 25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, well as vinyl bumpers..
> 26) Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
> 27 ) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
> 28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
> 29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
> 30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
> 31) Removes splattered grease on stove.
> 32) Keeps bathroom mirror f rom fogging.
> 33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
> 34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
> 35) Removes all traces of duct tape.
> 36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain
> 37) Florida's favorite use 'Cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpe rs.'
> 38) Protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
> 39) WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time.
> 40) Ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
>
> 41) WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
> 42) If you've washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and Presto! Lipstick is gone!
> 43) If you spray WD-40 on the distributor cap, it will displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
>
> Keep a can of WD-40 in your kitchen cabinet.. It is good for oven burns or any other type of burn. It takes the burned feeling away and heals with NO scarring.
>
> Remember, the basic ingredient is FISH OIL
>
> Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you...' IT IS MADE FROM FISH OIL' When you read the 'shower door' part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It is a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... It is now shinier than it has ever been before.
>
> 1) Protects silver from tarnishing.
> 2) Removes road tar and grime from cars.
> < STRONG>3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
> 4) Gives floors that `just-waxed` sheen without making it slippery.
> 5) Keeps flies off cows.
> 6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
> 7) Removes lipstick stains.
> 8) Loosens stubborn zi ppers.
> 9) Untangles jewelry chains.
> 10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
> 11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
> 12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pot s from oxidizing.
> 13) Removes tomato stains from clothing.
> 14) Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
> 15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
> 16) Keeps scissors working smoothly.
> 17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes
> 18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
> 19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car. Removed quickly, with WD-40!
> 20) Gives children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
> 21) Lubricates gear shift on lawn mowers.
> 22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
> 23) Lubricates tracks in sti ckin g home windows and makes them easier to open.
> 24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
> 25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, well as vinyl bumpers..
> 26) Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
> 27 ) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
> 28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
> 29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
> 30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
> 31) Removes splattered grease on stove.
> 32) Keeps bathroom mirror f rom fogging.
> 33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
> 34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
> 35) Removes all traces of duct tape.
> 36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain
> 37) Florida's favorite use 'Cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpe rs.'
> 38) Protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
> 39) WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time.
> 40) Ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
>
> 41) WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
> 42) If you've washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and Presto! Lipstick is gone!
> 43) If you spray WD-40 on the distributor cap, it will displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
>
> Keep a can of WD-40 in your kitchen cabinet.. It is good for oven burns or any other type of burn. It takes the burned feeling away and heals with NO scarring.
>
> Remember, the basic ingredient is FISH OIL
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out..
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm .
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17.. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
And Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out..
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm .
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17.. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
And Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Jerry Falwell
After the death of Falwell, Larry Flynt released a comment regarding his friendship over the years with Falwell.
"My mother always told me that no matter how much you dislike a person, when you meet them face to face you will find characteristics about them that you like. Jerry Falwell was a perfect example of that. I hated everything he stood for, but after meeting him in person, years after the trial, Jerry Falwell and I became good friends. He would visit me in California and we would debate together on college campuses. I always appreciated his sincerity even though I knew what he was selling and he knew what I was selling." - Larry Flynt
"My mother always told me that no matter how much you dislike a person, when you meet them face to face you will find characteristics about them that you like. Jerry Falwell was a perfect example of that. I hated everything he stood for, but after meeting him in person, years after the trial, Jerry Falwell and I became good friends. He would visit me in California and we would debate together on college campuses. I always appreciated his sincerity even though I knew what he was selling and he knew what I was selling." - Larry Flynt
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Think About It
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
- If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
- Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
- To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.
- Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger.
- A coincidence is when God performs a miracle, and decides to remain anonymous.
- Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
- Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
- Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
- Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked.
- Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
- If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
- Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
- To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.
- Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger.
- A coincidence is when God performs a miracle, and decides to remain anonymous.
- Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
- Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
- Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
- Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked.
- Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Six Funny Life Lessons
Below are 6 very funny and true life lessons to be learned that I’ve received via email. Jokes aside, the insight gained is valuable to everyone and I somehow don’t think you’ll regret reading them.
Lesson 1: Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Lesson 5: Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
Lesson 1: Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Lesson 5: Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
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